I CAN MOONWALK!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize