when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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