oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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