hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
