We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
