i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
