its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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