I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
