I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
