No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
