just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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