finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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