you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
