Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
