god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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