Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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