I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
