Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
