I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize