I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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