1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize