ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
