I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
