im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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