He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
