we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
