operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
