I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
