I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
