At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
