It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
