He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
