When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
