She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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