So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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