Whod you bang
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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