He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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