My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You need a sexual gate keeper
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
