i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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