God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
