i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"it" just moved
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
