Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
