if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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