Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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