for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize