He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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