she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
