We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
