i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
