We're like a lot better than the average bears
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
