he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
