omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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