apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this hospital has no fireball
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Drake has all the answers
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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