Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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