This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
is wine microwaveable?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
