I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
