She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
