I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
