about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
