Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
