I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
