I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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