Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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