Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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