Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
