Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
