So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my shit smells like andre
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
