so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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