On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
