Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone came in the potted fern
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
