The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
