Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
