I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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