How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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