just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
